Top Ten Annoying Husker Fan Reactions to Jack Hoffman’s TD

8 Apr

As you enter Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium, you walk under a sign that says “Through these gates pass the Greatest Fans in College Football“.  For the most part, that is true.  Nebraska fans are widely acknowledged to be some of the most polite, knowledgable, and respectful in all of sports.

But not every fan who enters that grand stadium is one of the “greatest”.

Nebraska certainly has their fair share of never satisfied, blowhard, glass-half-empty, know-it-all jerks who can find numerous examples of how the program is falling apart.  I know.  I’ve had the distinct pleasure of sitting by some of them over the years.

So while I was lingering in the all-time feel good moment that was seven-year old brain cancer patient Jack Hoffman scoring a touchdown in Nebraska’s Red White Scrimmage, I eventually thought of what these morons likely said as young Jack ran for the end zone:

10.  “We need to get rid of Pelini.  Our defense can’t even tackle a seven-year old cancer patient.”
9.  “Nice run.  I’m shocked that it wasn’t called back for holding.”
8.  “They got lucky on that play.  Next time, give it to the fullback.”
7.   “Look at those fat linemen half-assing it.  HIT SOMEBODY!”
6.  “Man, that Hoffman is slow.  Even for a white kid.”
5.  “I’m surprised Martinez didn’t fumble the ball before handing it off.”
4.  “Don’t get too excited.  Lots of guys look good in the Spring Game but never do anything else.  Remember Chris Butler?”
3.  “Throw the damn ball!”
2.  “Dammit.  I had the White team and the points.  There goes $100.”
1.   “It’s crap like this that is tarnishing the sacred tradition of the Spring Game.”

*   *   *

(Author’s note:  let’s be perfect clear so there is no misunderstanding whatsoever.  I’m thrilled beyond words for Jack and his family, overwhelmingly proud to be a Nebraska alum and fan of this program, and I understand how blessed I am that I was able to watch this amazing moment while holding one of my two healthy children.  I simply wanted to have some fun with the jerk fans – not do anything to mock or take away from anything that Team Jack stands for.  But if you still want to leave me a nasty comment, go right ahead).


5 Responses to “Top Ten Annoying Husker Fan Reactions to Jack Hoffman’s TD”

  1. wags April 10, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

    I don’t think you did anything to take away from Team Jack. Number 6 actually got a audible “ha” out of me. We all know these fans, hell, we all have been, are still, or will be these fans. Funny post.

    • Feit Can Write April 10, 2013 at 4:33 pm #

      Good. I was a little afraid that some folks would take it the wrong way. Thanks for reading!

  2. Farmers Tan April 11, 2013 at 10:48 pm #

    It turns out that one such fan posted his complaints all over Facebook and on Twitter.

    • Feit Can Write April 11, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

      Interesting…Can decide if he’s a cranky old man or just somebody trolling for attention.

      Either way, I don’t need to spend any more time thinking about him.

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