Rejected Yankee Hill Candle Fragrances

9 May

Mother’s Day is coming up.  And nothing makes an easier (and last-minute) gift than a big ol’ stinky candle from the fine folks at Yankee Hill.

When I’m picking out a candle for Mom, I’m a sucker for smelling the different scents.  Some smell really good (I’ve given serious thought to eating the Christmas Cookie candle because it smells so good) and some really stink (I challenge you to find a blue colored Yankee Hill candle that smells good.  You cannot).

One time I came across a “fresh cut grass” candle.  Sure enough, it smelled exactly like I just mowed the yard (minus the mower exhaust and Nebraska humidity).  While it was a spot-on scent, I really couldn’t imagine who would want their house to smell like lawn clippings.

So with that in mind, I give you some of the other Yankee Candle fragrances that while well intended, seem destined for the outlet mall:

  • Urinal Cake
  • Truck Stop Men’s Room
  • Baby Formula
  • That Weird Smell All Subway Restaurants Have
  • Wet Dog
  • Burnt Popcorn
  • Marlboro Lights
  • Diesel exhaust
  • Natural Gas Leak (surprisingly popular around April 1st)
  • Crazy Cat Lady
  • Hoarders:  Buried Alive (a failed cross-promotional effort)
  • CSI:  Yankee Hill (another failed cross-promotion)
  • Bigger Loser – Last Chance Workout (yet another failed cross-promotion)
  • Meth Lab
  • Stagnant Waters
  • Hobo
  • Hoboken
  • Money (Not paper currency, the rural America definition)
  • Nursing Home Sweet Home
  • Curdled Milk
  • Gag Reflex
  • Cheap Cologne
  • Blue Cheese
  • Frat House
  • Grandma’s Perfume
  • Diaper Pail
  • County Fair

Maybe this year, you should just get Mom flowers.


4 Responses to “Rejected Yankee Hill Candle Fragrances”

  1. What I Desired To Say May 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    Mom: Flowers, Roy? Flowers?!
    Me: Well, it was either that or the ‘Hoarders: Buried Alive’ Yankee Candle and I think your house already smells like that too much.

    • Feit Can Write May 9, 2012 at 10:57 pm #

      Maybe you can take her to Applebee’s instead?

  2. Feit Can Write January 9, 2013 at 11:16 am #

    Re-read this today, and I’m quite amused by the concept of somebody intentionally lighting a “Natural Gas Leak” candle.

    And here we find the true purpose of this blog – to amuse me.


  1. Smells Like (Teen)Aged Spirits | Feit Can Write - March 31, 2015

    […] do find bourbon to be a pleasant aroma, I’m probably not going to look for it in a Yankee Hill candle, much less a cologne.  But this product does raise some practical […]

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