Hurry up and wait

14 Sep

If you were to do a Family Feud style survey of 100 people and ask them “What is your least favorite thing to do?”, I’m guessing the #1 answer would be “move from your house/apartment”.  The contestants – five relatives who probably will hate each other after the taping when Junior blows the Fast Money round or because Mom got a little too fresh with Richard Dawson* – would probably get most of the top six answers on the board:  including:

2.  Going to the dentist
3.  Changing a tire
4.  Housework
5.  Waiting
6.  Spending time with in-laws (not how I feel, btw.  I truly love my in-laws and from what I have seen from other friends, I’m super lucky to have in-laws that I love and who love & respect me.)

*Is there another TV show that has had as many hosts as the Family Feud?  According to the always accurate Wikipedia, there have been six hosts of the Feud, whom I will rank in order from best to worst:

  1. Richard Dawson.  Could there be any doubt?  The “Kissing Bandit” was the epitome of 70’s swinger slipping some tongue to everybody’s Aunt Gladys.  And how many of you from my generation look at the bottom of a Tootsie Roll Pop to see if the stem is black (and therefore, worth $100)?
  2. Ray Combs.  He was the anti-Richard, a sweet guy who you could picture sitting in the pew in front of you in church.  Wikipedia also offers this gem about Combs’s last Feud broadcast:  “During the “Fast Money” bonus round, the five answers given by the second contestant each netted zero points. Ray joked, ‘You know, I’ve done this show for six years and this [is] the first time I had a person that actually got no points and I think it’s a damn fine way to go out. Thought I was a loser until you walked up here. You made me look like a man.’ “
  3. Richard Karn.  Al Borland made a pretty decent (if vanilla) host.  Personally, I would have liked to have seen Tim Taylor’s neighbor Wilson (complete with picket fence) host the Feud.
  4. John O’Hurley.  Seinfeld’s J. Peterman has far too dramatic of a voice for the Feud.  Maybe he could pull off “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”, but not the Feud.
  5. Steve Harvey.  Apparently, he is the current host of the Feud.  Who knew?  Not me.  It’s tough for me to picture one The Original Kings of Comedy hosting any show with “Family” in the title.  I wonder how many F-bombs he surpresses on a daily basis?  I haven’t seen Harvey’s work yet, but it has to be better than…
  6. Louie Anderson.  I’m guessing one of the producers owed him money or the studio was obligated to finish his contract, because I don’t know what else he brought to the table.  Looks?  Nope.  A chipper personality?  Nope.  A pleasant sounding voice?  Nope.  A big fan base?  Nope.

Okay…where was I?  Ah yes, least favorite things to do.  I’m guessing the contestant would get all three strikes before they hit on my #1 answer:  Finding a new job.  For those of you new to the program, I have been without full time employment since August 1.  You might have heard something about a recession and a lack of jobs.  I’m hear to tell you, it’s not so much that there is a lack of jobs, it is that nobody is in any sort of hurry to fill the jobs that are open.  I applied for something a month ago, and when I call to check in, they tell me it will be another week or two before the hiring manager looks through resumes.  If your resume is one of the handful that makes the initial cut (out of the dozens or even hundreds they receive) apparently everybody starts with a 30 minute phone interview nowadays.  If you make it past that hurdle, (again, with a good two week gap in between steps) you can throw on the suit and power tie and interview in person.  After that?  Who knows what happens after that?  I haven’t gotten that far yet, but I’m assuming it is a long and lengthy process.  Check back in three months and hopefully I’ll be able to let you know how it turns out.*

*Just kidding.  Check in daily.  Or more often.  Subscribe even.  And leave comments.  Click Like and share with your Facebook friends and Twitter followers.  Also go check out my  articles and click on all of the ads.  On second thought, start with

So while the hunt for full time employment is going slower that I would like, I had a plan in place to bring in some supplemental income.  Now let’s be clear, of the four different income sources I had lined up – newspaper delivery boy, lawn mower, telemarketer, and plasma donor – it is safe to say that I was not exactly getting full value out of my degree from a Big Ten university.  Heck, I was a fast food job away from having the exact same career options as I did 20 years ago.  Nevertheless, an unexpected back surgery retired me from lawn mowing and plasma donations (apparently general anesthesia puts you on the black list for a year.  Who knew?), delayed the debut of my telemarketing career (because I doubt they would let me lie flat on my back), and temporarily prevented me from listing the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Investors Business Daily, and the Omaha World-Herald among my employers.   Safe to say that August 2011 was a turd of a month, and I have high hopes for September.

Which brings us to the present:  the proverbial career crossroads where I can look for safe jobs that will pay the bills, even if it takes weeks just to get my foot in the door, and may not give me personal satisfaction or fulfillment.  Or I can head out in a completely new direction, reboot my salary expectations, and look forward to dining out again somewhere around October 2014 – all while staring down Failure, Procrastination, and the rest of the Self-Doubt Squadron.   

What path will I take?  We surveyed 100 people and the top seven answers are on the board.

Survey says?


One Response to “Hurry up and wait”

  1. eliserae October 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm #

    I’m sorry you hurt your back! I did the same, but in much more embarrassing way ( being in a giant moose mascot costume )

    In relation to your job hunt, my econ professor is found of saying: “People say do what you love. Those people are stupid. Do what you hate the least. You think someone wanted to be a plumber? No.” Yes, he’s crazy.

    In that top list, the only thing I would pick would be waiting. There are much worse things to do than house work. 😛

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